Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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