cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
