get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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