i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you had me at cake vodka
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
