Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
