so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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