I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
