what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
