I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
