never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
