haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
