Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
