it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
