hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
