Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
