I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't deserve a penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
