dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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