I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
