So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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