I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
