i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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