That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
