Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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