Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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