UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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