At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
