Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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