Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
