If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
