i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
