I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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