Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
