i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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