Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
