kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
