we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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