clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
