mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
