Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
