And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
