i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
