Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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