I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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