Kiss
Puke
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
