This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
