Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well you can't waste a boner
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
