i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
