I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
