those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
