I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
