Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
